A Coward, A Liar, A Generous and Honest Person in a “Wholesome” Relationship
Introduction
Relationships are complex, but when one person exhibits paradoxical traits—cowardice, dishonesty, generosity, and honesty—wrapped up in a narcissistic personality, the dynamic becomes even more perplexing. How does someone who appears confident and self-assured harbor deep-rooted cowardice? How can they be both a liar and honest? How does their generosity coexist with self-centeredness? And most intriguingly, how do they convince themselves that they are part of a “wholesome” relationship?
Understanding this paradox requires peeling back layers of psychology, emotional self-deception, and the way narcissistic individuals construct their realities. Let’s explore each trait in depth and see how they contribute to this fascinating yet troubling personality dynamic.
1. The Cowardice of a Narcissist
At first glance, a narcissist often appears strong, confident, and assertive. However, beneath the surface lies a deep-seated fear—fear of rejection, fear of failure, and most of all, fear of being truly seen.
A narcissist’s cowardice manifests in different ways:
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Avoidance of Accountability – They cannot face their mistakes because acknowledging them threatens their fragile self-image.
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Fear of Vulnerability – Opening up emotionally means exposing weaknesses, which terrifies them.
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Hiding Behind Manipulation – Instead of confronting problems directly, they manipulate others to maintain control and avoid discomfort.
Despite their outward confidence, the narcissist is emotionally fragile. Their cowardice is camouflaged by an exaggerated sense of self-importance, but at their core, they are scared of true emotional intimacy.
2. The Liar Wrapped in Self-Delusion
Narcissists lie effortlessly, but not always for the reasons people assume. Unlike pathological liars who fabricate stories purely for deception, a narcissist lies as a form of self-preservation and self-creation.
Their lies fall into three categories:
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Defensive Lies – To protect their image, they rewrite history and distort facts.
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Constructive Lies – They craft a grandiose identity, telling stories that enhance their reputation, even if they aren’t entirely true.
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Subconscious Lies – The most fascinating aspect is that they often believe their own lies. They convince themselves of their superiority, their benevolence, and even their own version of “honesty.”
To them, their falsehoods aren’t deceit; they are just a better version of reality. Their dishonesty isn’t merely about deceiving others—it’s about reinforcing the illusions they desperately cling to.
3. The Paradox of Generosity and Honesty
Despite their cowardice and dishonesty, narcissists can be surprisingly generous and, in some twisted way, honest. But their generosity is strategic, and their honesty is selective.
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Generosity with Strings Attached
A narcissist’s generosity is rarely selfless. They give in ways that reinforce their self-image:-
Lavish gifts to appear successful and magnanimous.
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Acts of kindness, but only when they can be acknowledged and praised.
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Support for others, but with an expectation of loyalty in return.
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Honest Yet Deceptive
Strangely, narcissists can also be brutally honest—especially when it serves them. They may speak their minds without a filter, believing that “telling it like it is” makes them authentic. However, their honesty often lacks empathy. It is wielded as a weapon rather than as a virtue.
This selective honesty makes them feel superior:
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They pride themselves on being “real” while ignoring the self-deception woven into their own persona.
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They may call out others’ weaknesses while failing to acknowledge their own.
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They consider their criticisms “constructive” even when they are hurtful and unnecessary.
This duality of being both generous and honest, yet fundamentally self-serving, is one of the narcissist’s most perplexing traits.
4. The Illusion of a “Wholesome” Relationship
Despite being a coward, a liar, and selectively generous and honest, the narcissist truly believes they are in a wholesome, fulfilling relationship. But how?
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They Redefine “Wholesome” to Fit Their Narrative
To a narcissist, a healthy relationship is not about mutual growth, respect, or emotional security. Instead, it is about reinforcement of their self-image. If they feel admired, praised, and in control, they interpret the relationship as wholesome—even if it is toxic and unbalanced. -
They Overlook Their Own Faults
Since they are incapable of deep self-reflection, they rationalize their actions. Their generosity overshadows their lies, and their occasional moments of honesty make up for their cowardice in their own eyes. -
They Manipulate Their Partner’s Perception
A narcissist’s partner is often left confused because of the constant push and pull—one moment, they experience the narcissist’s generosity and honesty, and the next, they encounter their deceit and cowardice. This creates a cycle of emotional highs and lows, making it difficult to see the reality of the situation. -
They Genuinely Believe Their Own Version of Reality
Perhaps the most dangerous aspect is that they don’t just pretend to believe in the “wholesome” nature of their relationship—they actually do. Their delusions are so deeply ingrained that they see themselves as a loving, supportive partner despite their contradictions.
The Inescapable Contradiction
A narcissist exists within a paradox—a coward who hides behind confidence, a liar who believes in their own honesty, a generous giver who expects rewards, and a person who constructs an illusion of a wholesome relationship while engaging in emotionally destructive behaviors.
For those entangled with such a person, the relationship feels like a constant state of confusion. The narcissist’s partner may cling to the moments of generosity and honesty while dismissing the underlying cowardice and lies. However, true growth and healing require seeing the narcissist for who they truly are, rather than the persona they present.
Understanding this paradox is the first step in breaking free from its emotional grip. And for the narcissist? True self-awareness remains their greatest fear—because facing it would shatter the illusions that keep them safe.
What are your thoughts on this paradox? Have you encountered such a dynamic in relationships? Let’s discuss in the comments!
