When you are financially well off, and something happens in your life that drains your bank to nearly zero, acting like you still have a fully intact bank account is what I call living in a financial closet. Not asking for the appropriate help will physically and mentally affect your way back to the top. In our productively driven generation, where many people work so hard and fast to make ends meet, you wonder how fast money can fly out the window sometimes. If you have multiple secret closets to open and heal from, sooner or later, it takes a toll on your financial health. In actuality, most people don’t want to be Bill Gates, and they want some stability that does not include living from paycheck to paycheck.
Are you a doctor, nurse, lawyer, or some professional guru? Has the smartboard of life rewritten your financial story without warning? Over a year and a half, I was financially challenged. A situation I dreaded and had worked hard for many years to avoid finally happened. I have multiple degrees and changed careers numerous times, but the financial crisis hit my domain and forced me into this closet. Although a sequence of uncontrollable events led me to a financial breakdown, the economic pain brought shame, vulnerability, and loss of friends. (To my wonderful close friends for life, if I did not lose you, enjoy reading my financial closet with love.)
Shame: I could not tell anyone I was financially handicapped because, judging by my qualifications, I should not be near the word broke. People depended on me. Saying no to their needs was particularly painful, and no one could understand why anyone in my career path could be hurt. It almost sounded like I was lying or refusing to help. I did not dare to inform them of my now-past situation. If you keep things hidden in different closets, every shadow of your being covers the unpretentious you. I have been so successful by God’s grace and favor for many years that I almost took my success for granted. Does it mean that you lost God’s grace and favor during your financial crisis? Not! (Philippians 4:12) There were some economic principles I did not fully understand during my success ride. (Future blog will address the financial regulations that helped me.)
Vulnerability: From an early age, it was difficult for me to ask for help from anyone
as an independent woman. When I now ask for help, especially in finance, and I hear the word “no,” my defenselessness is magnified by a thousand. In my mind, I was going to figure this out quietly. As weeks turned into months, it was evident that everyone around me would soon discover something was wrong, and I grew helpless. As I meditated during my quiet time, my thought waves produced this; “Do not let old riches punish you for your current financially challenged situation.” The next thought was to remember Michael Jackson. Yes, the late pop star. As I continued with my meditation, hoping desperately to get a more precise meaning of these thoughts coming at me so strongly, it hit me: Michael Jackson was a rich public icon, but he was also too vulnerable to ask for help, in my opinion. He died without having enough money to spend, even for his health. Nevertheless, after my brief mediation, I summoned enough courage to tell a few close friends, and their reactions enlarged my financial closet hideout. My following action was to tell my situation to two total strangers (in a professional setting, of course) who knew nothing about my title or background. (I also do counseling in my work, so I know a few steps.) It worked. They gave me some tools to come out of this painful closet. The lesson here is when you are feeling ashamed and vulnerable in any situation or about anything, keep speaking up until you’ve been heard. Someone out there somewhere will have some answers, if not all. Your solution is in your voice, or should I say your search. (Matthew 7:7)
Loss of friends: I hear some great friends saying, “Why would you lose friends because you’re broke?” “They were never your friends in the first place.” “Friendships are for a reason, a season, and a lifetime.” These are all clichés that do not hold for me. I’m afraid I authentically have to disagree with them. Who wants to lose a friend for any reason at any season, especially when you need them the most? I know that sometimes, crisis upon crisis can strain a relationship, even with married couples. As a genuine friend, if you have ever been broke, you lost friends, right? (Be honest). The loss of some close friends was the most painful part of this hidden closet, but as I prayed my way out, the “yoyo” or “fair weather” friends wanted to resume our friendship again as if nothing happened. We all need to quote every scripture that says to forgive, heal, pray, trust God, and move on. What about the scriptures that speak to watch and test all spirits? Well, I have learned to trust God more, as I am still yet to figure out my millions of friends who will send me Bible quotations during a financial crisis instead of just sending me a token. (Luke 11:5) Have you ever forgiven anyone? I have countless times because forgiveness is a commandment we must all obey to move forward with God. But my observation is that after the forgiveness, there is a long cautionary tale of residuals that both sides bring back to the table. Translation: the relationship can be reasonably healthy but never be the same again.
Reflection:
- Does poverty produce shame, vulnerability, and loss of friends?
- Do riches produce shame, vulnerability, and loss of friends?
- Must everyone be rich?
- Must everyone be poor?
- Should everyone endeavor to understand the wealthy, middle class, and poor and, from there, find their comfort level?
- What are the benefits of being rich?
- What are the benefits of being poor?
- When do you know you’ve had enough money?
- Between prayer, studying, and hard work, which is the most effective during the financial crisis?
- Don’t we have to study what to pray for or how hard we must work? (2 Timothy 2:15)
Freedom Thoughts
Finance is connected to your thoughts. Sometimes, through weird religious goggles, we frown at very successful people or very successful Christians. Quoting scriptures like Matthew 19:24, it’s almost like we want God to put a cap on our financial success. Proverbs says that poverty is an attack (I don’t like to be attacked by anything) and that being lazy will make you poor, but hard work will make you rich. (Proverbs 6:11 & 10:4) I hear you say, “But being rich is not everyone’s calling!” True, but it is mostly everyone’s desire. Money is not wrong, but the love of money is bad because it puts God second or last on your priority list. (Mark 10:21) So let’s adjust our religious goggles to see a better world where wealthy people (including wealthy Christians) are changing lives. (Ephesians 3:20) We sometimes become rich to give to those in need. (Ephesians 4:28) how financially successful do you want to be? (Proverbs 23:7) Stable average, close to rich, decadent, wealthy, or super wealthy? My deep-rooted thoughts go like this: I want to be able to pay just my mortgage, send my children to college, and feed them three times a day (stable average?) Nowadays, not only do I want to take action swiftly on the things I am learning, but I also want to study my way into financial success. You will never work or study hard enough until you heal your monetary thought pattern and get a grip on how financially successful you want to be. You can be educated and broke, hardworking, and still be broke. I was at both ends of the spectrum. The most financially successful people work hard at studying the world around them while making risky, intelligent choices to get the financial breakthrough they need.
