Dion Learning Lessons

Tag: secrets

  • Shame/Guilt Closet

    Shame/Guilt Closet

    Shame is a spiteful embarrassed emotion naturally associated with an undesirable judgement of oneself, which sometimes causes feelings of misery, vulnerability, uselessness and unimportance. Guilt is a mental or a sensitive feeling of sorrow that transpires when an individual comprehends that they have conceded their own values, predominantly in areas of spirituality, morality, and ethical principles. As past experiences reintroduced themselves into the present subconscious mind, it’s important to open them up to solutions. 

    Shame and guilt are intertwined in my own experience. When I feel ashamed, I feel guilt almost at the same time. Shame has to do with the loss of value and worth, while guilt has to do with the decision we made or did not make to stop that devaluation from happening. In other words, I do not necessarily feel guilty without first feeling shame. This might not be true for everyone, but the definition and explanation above is not from a purely research angle, it is from my own personal experiences. One of my favorite authors on the topic of shame is BreneBrown, whose research and teaching on vulnerability, shame, and courage are a must read. But I have not completely dissected BreneBrown’s research findings because I want this closet to be as authentic as possible from my experiences. To save time, I will only address three major areas in my journey that has presented themselves in the shame/guilt closet.

    1. Body Image (Weight is mostly emphasized in our culture) What? People hide their body in the closet too? Yes! Sometimes physically, but mostly mentally. The fact that someone is getting up and moving around every day does not take away the unhealthy feeling they have about their body or physical appearances. (Botox, splendour, fashion, plastic surgery, make-up, selfies, wigs and hairstyles are accessories that can mask self-esteem issues sometimes) This is the fact that you are genuinely dissatisfied with how you look, feel and act on the world stage. It may not be because anyone criticized you, but that the criticism of yourself has taking a shameful turn. I know our society is obsessed with physical appearances, beauty and thinness, especially with young people. In it of itself is not bad, but when that obsession excludes all other factors including physical health, psychological health and genealogy, then beauty is just an illusion. So why shame yourself if someone made an unkind remark about your looks. “Beauty they say is in the eyes of the beholder” I respectfully challenge this old and ancient adage. Beauty I will say is in the hearts, hands and minds of anyone who understands their worth and value. “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he” Proverbs 23:7 who is “the beholder” of beauty? And what is “the beholder” thinking as he/she beholds that which is beautiful? Can “the beholder” change “the not so beautiful thing” to the most beautiful? At 40+ you want to look 20 but have the wisdom of a 40+ year old? Well, I could take on this challenge in the 21st century with the use of cosmetology, diet, exercise or surgery. But the challenge to look 20 at 40 is unfair and mostly bias because that challenge is reserved for only women in our society, not men. Up until this morning, my friends are talking about weight and weight loss programs they have all tried that were unsuccessful. Collectively, most professional experts have decided that staying healthy is better than looking a certain way. We can all agree that is not acceptable to shame someone who makes a different decision than you. When it comes to body image, be your own advocate, because you know your state of mind better than any “beholder”. I am not encouraging putting beauty on the back burner or in a corner, but I am encouraging self-evaluation before shaming yourself when it comes to your looks, weight or appearance. I know that the need to feel beautiful drives cosmetology and selfie images on social media sites, but neglecting the fact that to stay beautiful, you need to care for the two most important parts of that body which is the mind and the spirit. Note I did not say work harder at making yourself look good or glamorous (which we all do anyway). If you feel good inside, you will look good outside. Both sides on the weight scale (too thin/too chubby) can create shame/quilt, but those who live their life strategically and confidently without caring about what side of the spectrum that weight number is, usually succeed.      

    2. Harmful Secrets: The prideful past of my generation has enabled me to keep harmful secrets in order to protect my reputation and that of others. I can hear someone’s judgmental screams in my ears, “How can you keep harmful secrets? If you know they were harmful why didn’t you spill them out?” Shame/guilt does not reason with logic. The first instinct is denial and disbelief, protect reputation, and retreat to isolation. Some of the things that I have had the fortitude to share with you these past few weeks on this blog, were once deep dark depressing secrets that threatened every area of my life, even when I thought I was successful. Keeping these locked closets was robbing me of a true success story. As I journey through life’s many closets, the question for me was, what is success without all the benefits that should come with it? If success brought more sorrows than joy, why chase success? I really wanted to re-evaluate those success stories that I kept telling myself and everyone else. The Bible said “The blessing of the Lord, it makes one rich (successful) and He adds no sorrow with it” Proverbs 10:22 I know I can hear my Christian friends screaming in my ears again with many bible verses about “longsuffering” but what are you suffering from? For me it was my unrevealed harmful secrets that God already provided help for through others. If you stay in your shame/guilt closet without asking for help, you deny yourself the blessing, healing, and comfort that God has already provided through others. Find out what God can do secretly without anyone’s help and what he can do through helpers. Psalms 118:73. 

    3. Education: I think everyone I know wants to be educated or gain some form of knowledge or training to live their everyday life. With that said, why does education cause shame/guilt? The amount of education you have or did not have or could have had can cause shame/guilt. Everybody is going back to school, pursuing great careers and you’re not, then you start having shame/guilt from hearing their testimonies. There is a need to keep going or match up in the area of education, not because it is your passion or what you have to do, but just to add more titles to your belt or because you have no courage to tell your friends that you are not passionate about your new degree or title. Your goal is just to belong, add the “Dr.” title to your already long abbreviations, or probably be another high income earner. An example of a shame/quilt educational ladder, I attended a meeting with mostly professionals and educators in different fields, and met a friend named Mike. I simply said hello to Mike and he became very upset, because I did not address him with his title “Dr. Mike”. As he rebuked me for not adding his title to his name, I started feeling “less than” for a few brief seconds as I retreat to my closet of shame/guilt. Thinking maybe I not qualified enough to be in Mike’s presence, maybe I need to go back to school, or simply stop being friends with Mike. Then, comes my awakening, maybe Mike is just arrogant, insecure, and insensitive or he simply wants to be acknowledged with his title because of the number of years he spent in school. Either way, I love to address my own “less than” feelings not because I am not content, but because anything that makes me uneasy demands action or exposure to become easier. (FYI: Great Academicians if you need your title highlighted please give me a heads up, especially when you’re my friend.)

    Freedom Thoughts

    Shame is the need to hide what has happened, guilt is the powerlessness you felt or still feel for not being able to stop what has happened or what is still happening. I understand that shame can arise from what people are saying or perceiving about the situation, while guilt can arise from loss of value or worth. In any case, why do we feel guilt from the actions of others? I should feel some kind of peace if I did not initiate the wrongdoing. For me, guilt feels like “Why didn’t I make the right choice? Why didn’t I evaluate all angles before making the choice? What red flags did I miss when I made the choice that entangled me?” I have discovered that it is easier to forgive others than yourself. Things that created your guilt emanates from yourself, but the actions of others are not directly attached to your daily experiences. Although, in some rare cases, others shaming you can lead to great success but shame can mostly send people to the closet.  

    Reflection

    1. Constantly re-evaluate things that make you uncomfortable

    2. Your shame/guilt are valid, but uniquely different

    3. Advocate for your needs by exposing them

    4. Share both harmless and harmful secrets in a safe space just to help others

    5. Information, solutions, and awakenings are continuously happening through different fluid frequencies

    6. Remember you are never alone in the thoughts that have crossed your mind

    7. Qualify friendships with great value and moral system 

     

  • Disqualification Closet

    Disqualification Closet

    Disqualification can be internal or external. For many years after sharing my ideas or visions with a few people, I’d hear something like this “They said you can’t.” I have always wondered, who are the “they”? Does “they” have a physical address? Can I visit “they” and have a heart to heart conversation of never giving up with “they”? What I am getting at is that I was building a new DC (Disqualification Closet) even before I evaluated my own strengths and weaknesses. Even the greatest weaknesses of mankind ever recorded have been neutralized from ever disqualifying anyone from greatness. A person can also discourage themselves from the loud disapproval that is coming from friends, families and others. The voice of disqualification sounds like this, “What makes you think that what you are bringing to the table is different from what someone else has brought to that table before?” The reason I called this closet “DC” is because that great idea, that next generation technology, or that big dream could have changed the world or maybe just changed one person, but it remains hidden forever because the wrong light was shown on it. In the age of disqualifications, people’s potentials are wasting, while only a few dare to dream bigger than themselves. Then, we all stand in awe of their dreams that are blossoming right before our eyes. ​

    ​This closet can also be titled the “cannot closet.” The thoughts that I am having right now for this DC goes like this; I am not educated enough, I am too educated, I don’t have the right credentials, I don’t have the right title behind my name, I am not famous enough, I am not strong enough, I have a different background, a different degree, I have an accent, too black, not black enough, my grammar is sometimes off, sometimes right, I am not smart enough, etc. Who said we only need smart, famous, or strong people before we can do anything? (1 Corinthians 1:27) These are clutches that no one should lean on while on their way to success. These thoughts are all thoughts that flow through our minds when we are trying to put ourselves in a DC. The reason it is a disqualifier is because you are hiding it from people and looking for the right time to perfect your disabilities before taking any action. That right time will never come, if you don’t act right now on whatever you got in your DC, then you’re not ready for any kind of success. Most smart and successful people started with their DC with plenty of failures and inadequacies along the way. No success without plenty of failures. “Practice makes perfect” or “Practice makes permanent”. These are slogans that do not hold the whole truth. Consistent practice with periodic assessments not only makes perfect permanent, but transforms generations. Don’t practice something to perfect it when it has been proven not to work. During periodic assessments, change course if need be. 

    Freedom Thoughts

    ​When you are disqualified from anything life throws in front of you, you go searching for answers. Let’s take the story of David and Goliath in the Bible. I know this is a common sermon preached with different interpretations, but let’s look at David. He was disqualified even before he had a chance to prove his qualification. First, his family ridiculed him for his stature, profession, and his position in the family. Second, his nation ridiculed him about not having the right material to slay the giant Goliath. If you are familiar with 1 Samuel 17, Goliath’s qualifications from his youth was so magnified that it made David’s nation dismayed and greatly afraid. David used his years of training in the field mixed with faith. (Education Vs Faith is another day’s blogging title) Faith can mean believing in God, confidence in yourself, trusting your instincts, having courage, knowing your strengths, or a substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1). 

    ​As people were disqualifying David, David was requalifying himself (1 Samuel 17:28) David’s eldest brother angrily rebuked David and accused him of showing off. “I know thy pride, and the naughtiness of thine heart.” Wow! Have you ever shared something with someone then they immediately think you are prideful or just showing off when in your heart you were only trying to tell them you can slay a giant? David became smart, famous and strong after he defeated the obstacle in front of him with his faith, a stone, and a sling. You cannot be smart, famous or strong without first opening your DC. The significant of David’s faith, a stone and a sling, is that you cannot use another person’s faith and opinions to defeat any giant in your life, you have to use your own tools (I Samuel 17: 38-39) I believe that another person’s education and faith are not easily transferable or received by osmosis. We can benefit a little from people’s education and their faith, but that benefit is not enough to change the world or our immediate circumstances. 

    ​Finally, as you try to get out of your DC, do not drive yourself into the competitive mood. Don’t copy things you are not passionate about. (Romans 12:4) I have recently learned that we are all different in three ways: our fingerprints (what we do), our footprints (where we go) and our mouths (what we say) can make a difference in our family, faith, business, education, justice system, media, and even the government. Find your own Goliath nation to conquer and leave your three DNA prints there. 

    Reflection

    1. Be educated, not only in the academic setting, but other settings

    2. Be encouraged to study, train, and pick up tools as you are getting ready for the day of disqualification

    3. When “they” pull out their list of disqualifications, be ready to pull out your list of qualifications

    4. Open your DC wide without fear until you find your purpose in life and slay that giant

    5. If the education or the certifications required was met, find out why you were disqualified

    6. Requalify yourself by any good means necessary

    7. Find tolerable solutions around religion and politics

    8. Find peaceful solutions around injustice and racism 

    9. I know some of you will say, “Fight injustice and racism!” Yes, Only if God gave you the tools to do so. Not many people are equipped to fight a battle that sometimes only belongs to God and probably one man (1 Samuel 17) Remember the whole of Israel’s army was at the battlefield including their chosen king Saul.

    10. If you do not use injustice, racism, and the unfair nature of life as a clutch, success is inevitable.

    11. Today, regardless of race, religion, and politics that has clouded justice, success can thrive without a hinge. 

    12. There should not be a universal standard for qualification or disqualification without understanding the uniqueness of individuality. “Life is not fair.” But life is promising.  

     

  • Financial Closet

    Financial Closet

    When you are financially well off, and something happens in your life that drains your bank to nearly zero, acting like you still have a fully intact bank account is what I call living in a financial closet. Not asking for the appropriate help will physically and mentally affect your way back to the top. In our productively driven generation, where many people work so hard and fast to make ends meet, you wonder how fast money can fly out the window sometimes. If you have multiple secret closets to open and heal from, sooner or later, it takes a toll on your financial health. In actuality, most people don’t want to be Bill Gates, and they want some stability that does not include living from paycheck to paycheck.

    Are you a doctor, nurse, lawyer, or some professional guru? Has the smartboard of life rewritten your financial story without warning? Over a year and a half, I was financially challenged. A situation I dreaded and had worked hard for many years to avoid finally happened. I have multiple degrees and changed careers numerous times, but the financial crisis hit my domain and forced me into this closet. Although a sequence of uncontrollable events led me to a financial breakdown, the economic pain brought shame, vulnerability, and loss of friends. (To my wonderful close friends for life, if I did not lose you, enjoy reading my financial closet with love.)

    Shame: I could not tell anyone I was financially handicapped because, judging by my qualifications, I should not be near the word broke. People depended on me. Saying no to their needs was particularly painful, and no one could understand why anyone in my career path could be hurt. It almost sounded like I was lying or refusing to help. I did not dare to inform them of my now-past situation. If you keep things hidden in different closets, every shadow of your being covers the unpretentious you. I have been so successful by God’s grace and favor for many years that I almost took my success for granted. Does it mean that you lost God’s grace and favor during your financial crisis? Not! (Philippians 4:12) There were some economic principles I did not fully understand during my success ride. (Future blog will address the financial regulations that helped me.)

    Vulnerability: From an early age, it was difficult for me to ask for help from anyone
    as an independent woman. When I now ask for help, especially in finance, and I hear the word “no,” my defenselessness is magnified by a thousand. In my mind, I was going to figure this out quietly. As weeks turned into months, it was evident that everyone around me would soon discover something was wrong, and I grew helpless. As I meditated during my quiet time, my thought waves produced this; “Do not let old riches punish you for your current financially challenged situation.” The next thought was to remember Michael Jackson. Yes, the late pop star. As I continued with my meditation, hoping desperately to get a more precise meaning of these thoughts coming at me so strongly, it hit me: Michael Jackson was a rich public icon, but he was also too vulnerable to ask for help, in my opinion. He died without having enough money to spend, even for his health. Nevertheless, after my brief mediation, I summoned enough courage to tell a few close friends, and their reactions enlarged my financial closet hideout. My following action was to tell my situation to two total strangers (in a professional setting, of course) who knew nothing about my title or background. (I also do counseling in my work, so I know a few steps.) It worked. They gave me some tools to come out of this painful closet. The lesson here is when you are feeling ashamed and vulnerable in any situation or about anything, keep speaking up until you’ve been heard. Someone out there somewhere will have some answers, if not all. Your solution is in your voice, or should I say your search. (Matthew 7:7)

    Loss of friends: I hear some great friends saying, “Why would you lose friends because you’re broke?” “They were never your friends in the first place.” “Friendships are for a reason, a season, and a lifetime.” These are all clichés that do not hold for me. I’m afraid I authentically have to disagree with them. Who wants to lose a friend for any reason at any season, especially when you need them the most? I know that sometimes, crisis upon crisis can strain a relationship, even with married couples. As a genuine friend, if you have ever been broke, you lost friends, right? (Be honest). The loss of some close friends was the most painful part of this hidden closet, but as I prayed my way out, the “yoyo” or “fair weather” friends wanted to resume our friendship again as if nothing happened. We all need to quote every scripture that says to forgive, heal, pray, trust God, and move on. What about the scriptures that speak to watch and test all spirits? Well, I have learned to trust God more, as I am still yet to figure out my millions of friends who will send me Bible quotations during a financial crisis instead of just sending me a token. (Luke 11:5) Have you ever forgiven anyone? I have countless times because forgiveness is a commandment we must all obey to move forward with God. But my observation is that after the forgiveness, there is a long cautionary tale of residuals that both sides bring back to the table. Translation: the relationship can be reasonably healthy but never be the same again.

    Reflection:

    1. Does poverty produce shame, vulnerability, and loss of friends?
    2. Do riches produce shame, vulnerability, and loss of friends?
    3. Must everyone be rich?
    4. Must everyone be poor?
    5. Should everyone endeavor to understand the wealthy, middle class, and poor and, from there, find their comfort level?
    6. What are the benefits of being rich?
    7. What are the benefits of being poor?
    8. When do you know you’ve had enough money?
    9. Between prayer, studying, and hard work, which is the most effective during the financial crisis?
    10. Don’t we have to study what to pray for or how hard we must work? (2 Timothy 2:15)

    Freedom Thoughts

    Finance is connected to your thoughts. Sometimes, through weird religious goggles, we frown at very successful people or very successful Christians. Quoting scriptures like Matthew 19:24, it’s almost like we want God to put a cap on our financial success. Proverbs says that poverty is an attack (I don’t like to be attacked by anything) and that being lazy will make you poor, but hard work will make you rich. (Proverbs 6:11 & 10:4) I hear you say, “But being rich is not everyone’s calling!” True, but it is mostly everyone’s desire. Money is not wrong, but the love of money is bad because it puts God second or last on your priority list. (Mark 10:21) So let’s adjust our religious goggles to see a better world where wealthy people (including wealthy Christians) are changing lives. (Ephesians 3:20) We sometimes become rich to give to those in need. (Ephesians 4:28) how financially successful do you want to be? (Proverbs 23:7) Stable average, close to rich, decadent, wealthy, or super wealthy? My deep-rooted thoughts go like this: I want to be able to pay just my mortgage, send my children to college, and feed them three times a day (stable average?) Nowadays, not only do I want to take action swiftly on the things I am learning, but I also want to study my way into financial success. You will never work or study hard enough until you heal your monetary thought pattern and get a grip on how financially successful you want to be. You can be educated and broke, hardworking, and still be broke. I was at both ends of the spectrum. The most financially successful people work hard at studying the world around them while making risky, intelligent choices to get the financial breakthrough they need.

     

  • Abuse Closet #metoo

    Abuse Closet #metoo

    The abuse closet is the most secretive closet to open for the world to see. I am trying to be culturally sensitive as I open this closet. In my culture, which is West African, this is a “taboo” subject to discuss. Women who have been abused sometimes say statements like “I will never tell” or “I will rather take this to my grave” because according to them, they cannot bear the shame that comes with exposing abusive behaviors or an abusive relationship. There is also the notion that if the abusive relationship has financial benefits and the abuser is a great provider, then there is no need to rock the boat. On the other hand, most of my adult life was in the western world, where everyone is encouraged to speak up if they were abused or currently in an abusive environment. This closet has different layers, ranging from childhood to adulthood. As a young girl in college, I was physical and sexually abused on campus by the same young man who professed to love me. I was wounded, broken, and my life was almost altered forever by the blink of an eye. At twenty eight, I was raped at a friend’s house. At thirty two, I was physically and sexually abused by my former boss. At forty plus, I was again physically and sexually abused by another former boss. We all know abuse can happen at any age to anyone. “Poor you!” Oh no, not “poor me.” I have turned all my wounds into victory scars. (Psalm 92: 12 & 94:12-23) For those who have been abused and can understand, empathize and sympathize, I feel you, because no two injuries are the same, even if the weapon that produces those injuries are the same. Wounds can heal and leave a regular scar or a victory scar. (We will discuss victory scars on this blog after we open all the closets.)

    However, when you are broken at any age due to abuse, healing might take years. Twenty two years after my college episode, I met face-to-face with my abuser again. Real tears started running down my cheeks, and I was stunned and wanted to know why the pain of this abuse was still garden-fresh in my memory. Numerous other cruelties have happened years after college, so why does this still hurt so much? Maybe because it was my first ever encounter with an abusive relationship that set the tone for many other abusive arrays over the years. If you’ve ever been abused and then hide it, even as a child, it is then easier to hide every other abusive encounter, even if they are unrelated to the first abuser.

    I started searching for answers, because I should recognize abusive tendencies, (I thought to myself) by the age of forty. I read books, listened to Oprah, went for counseling, and used my mustard seed faith to ask God some hard questions and He answered me back with Psalm 37. Abuse usually happened at home or in a relationship. I never thought that any employer would ever put their hands on me because I applied for every job with undeniable qualifications, and my skills were on the table, not my body. (If you know me well enough, I am a lifelong learner who probably is thinking of what classes to enroll in after this blog session.)

    This abusive closet is closely related to the modern day #metoo movement, hiding from abusive powerful bosses for more than two or three decades. When the #metoo movement came to light, many were taking aback. While this saga was playing out on our television screens and news outlets daily, I was working under a boss whose name could be substituted for Harvey Weinstein or any of the other #metoo larger-than-life public figures and it will fit perfectly. As each day went by, and abusive male names were dropped and slandered on the media scene, my boss would say to me,” That will never happen to me, they are so foolish leaving their tracks without coverage.” What does that mean, you may ask? It simply means these predators had enough power, money, and influence to keep things from going south.

    Do you know that in an abusive environment, no matter how powerful you are, your predator can sense your vulnerability? Examples are you love your job, your clients love your services, the job pays very well, you feel like the job was tailor made for you or you have a sense of purpose doing this job. These examples sound like good qualities any boss will appreciate in an employee, but to an abusive boss, they are also your vulnerabilities. I was very influential and powerful in my job arena, yet vulnerable but did not know it. I was at a job where sexual harassment was the norm. Who should be the first to speak up against our workplace’s Harvey Weinstein? After you summon up the courage to speak up, what is the backlash? My backlash cost me everything. I still have no regret for speaking up, but there was no justice either from the natural look of things. (Psalm 94:1 & Romans 12:19) I felt broken again, yet relief for the courage to leave. I still have some residue of unforgiveness, resentment, injustice, and wondering why plain evil can still have the nerve to walk around freely. I know for some that your Harvey Weinstein stares at you daily in your face. Find the courage to just tell one person, because when you let a little blink go, it turns into a wink, and so forth progresses to unwrap and the rest is history. In many cases, if the predator is rich like mine was, they will say something along the lines of wanting their money or their little bit of fame. Why that in it of itself is not true, it is another tactic to keep you enslaved. I got to thinking, how much can anyone pay for a sorrowful life that was abused? What is the price tag for the potential that was lost, and what that potential could have developed without the abuse? In my opinion, priceless! I know someone who was victimized, got paid, but are still not healed nor function well in the society. Over the years I have learnt to separate the payout from the pain. This begs question, “I am successful, so why I am still broken? How could I not know that my spirit was broken for this many years?” These questions are valid, and in my profession, I teach people how to recognize abusive signs, what safe measures are in place for victims, refer them to counseling, and even report abuse if I suspect it is happening to someone. I was very purpose-driven, racing to achieve one level of success after another, until I met face-to-face with my first abuser, and I became uncomfortable in my closet. I believe that the joy of helping others through my profession gave me satisfaction and partial resolution until I was ready to embark on my very own journey of healing.

    Refection:

    1. Report abuse to someone very close to you that is not also close to your abuser.
    2. Do not speak until you are TRULY ready to expose the evil and heal.
    3. If you can ignore the shame, stigma, judgement and questionable credibility issues that comes with your courage to open this closet, then your healing will start.
    4. Move to another city or town if you have to (very important healing step).
    5. If your abuser is been idolized by people around you, tell someone with a neutral standpoint, maybe a counselor.
    6. Remember that the same people who were on your team before you exposed the gruesome details of the abuse might leave.
    7. Remember to not bite more than you can chew, and assess your situation before you open this closet.
    8. I sincerely believe that some abusive behaviours are never to see the light of day, probably because some are quietly resolved, left unresolved, or buried forever
    9. Either way, you need to heal. So, if you are still struggling to function after you have suffered from some type of abuse, it is time to speak up.
    10. Remember your Harvey Weinstein might never be caught or face justice, but exposing your truth in this closet is for your personal growth.
    11.  

    Freedom Thoughts

           While it is written that God will avenge wrongdoing Himself, (Romans 12:19.) It is also written that God will forgive wrongdoing as well (1 John 1:9.). What if the same people who hurt you so deeply are also having their own awakening and praying for repentance? When two teams are trying to play some kind of sport against each other, both teams are praying to win the game. How will God answer both teams’ prayers? (Think about it this way; both you and your predator are praying to God to win at this game called life.) According to the Bible, He hears the cries of the righteous as well as the cries of a sinner.

           Again, is loving and praying for your enemies or those that have done you wrong more important than seeking revenge or justice at all cost? Even if you are seeking justice from God or man? (Matthew 5:44) These biblical principles make me wonder at times, but try them, they work. My freedom thoughts for today is praying to win, work hard to achieve that win, study frequently to keep the wins coming, learn from the losses, and trust God to complete everyone’s master plan according to His sovereignty. (Romans 8:28) If you have a vision of what God’s master plan is for you, you will not have time to obsess over the evil that the enemies have done to you or will do to you. The enemy’s’ devices can sometimes accelerate God’s master plan for your life. When God’s master plan reaches your lap, you will always be thankful for all (not some) that the enemies have put you through. Wow! That’s why we should love and pray for our enemies, because they are helping God directly or indirectly perfect our master plan.

     

  • All Closet Self-Reflection

    All Closet Self-Reflection

    1. What are some things that have put you in a closet?
      A list of things found in my many life’s closets includes:
      A. Marital Pretense
      B. Abusive scars
      C. Financial ups and downs
      D. Disqualification (for being different)
      E. Devaluation
      F. Unexplained failures
      G. Shame and guilt (from the actions of others)
      H. Spiritual compromise
      I. Frenemies
    2. Will opening up your closets to others bring relief or solutions?
      I sincerely believe that if you open about your problems to the right person, you will find some relief and comfort, but honestly, there probably will not be any solutions. Have you ever noticed that after you open your heart out to people, they offer a few suggestions and move on without you? Solution only comes from you. Again, you alone can gain the solutions to many of your life’s problems, whether they are in the open or in the closet. Some religious friends of mine may disagree with me, and preach a sermon to solely rely on God. Their argument is that God alone can provide your solutions. While that may be somewhat true, the Bible says in James 4:8, “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.” and in 2 Timothy 2:15, it says “Do your best to win God’s approval as a worker who doesn’t need to be ashamed of his work and who teaches only the true message.” Okay, so what if you’re like me and you hardly read your bible, will you still find solutions to your problems? The answer is yes. If you want little solutions or delayed solutions, you can just wait around until it happens to you. Or, you can study whatever great inspirational books and actively look for your answers. I recommend studying the Bible, because as many inspirational books as there are in the market, I found out quickly that they all mirrored the very book I have been trying so hard to run away from. The belief you have that something is going to change is actually what changes your closet situations. Don’t we all wonder why everyone has the capacity to succeed regardless of their faith in God? One thing multiple successful people have in common is their ability to study their passion with great intensity. My A-Hah! moment is that I am planning to study along with you guys, my way out of the burden of the secrets.
    3. Do you think untold secrets are closets?
      Absolutely. On this site, I will open one closet a week, post reflections, ask authentic questions, and I will like for everyone who visit this blog to share their comments, concerns, thoughts, feedback, life lessons, and solutions. Ultimately, ask an authentic question(s) as we all go and search for answers. I sure will not forget that both praises and criticisms are constructive ingredients that can lead to an unimaginable and amazing destination. (Notice I did not say “constructive criticisms”, because all criticisms have their own lessons that they are trying to teach.)

    Response: If anyone wants to know what solutions or conclusions from my first writing related to the “immigration closet” has come to, please comment, ask questions, or testify if you can relate, because I think that is my unique closet.